


What I Couldn't Say

by ChyDev23



Category: Black Sails
Genre: Angst, Eleanor isn't dead, F/F, How It Should Have Gone, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 09:09:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14016969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChyDev23/pseuds/ChyDev23
Summary: Things were coming to a head on Nassau, and after the conversation with Max about "what ifs" racks her brain of the possibilities of life outside of Nassau, Eleanor wants to get out before her life, or the woman she desperately wants to save after putting her through hell herself, are over.





	What I Couldn't Say

Max POV

We sat in the dim light, silently at first. It felt as though we never got a moment of peace like this. There was always something happening. Eleanor’s face looked tired. We were all tired. I wish I could tell her my inner plans, but the trust between us wasn’t fully mended. And maybe it wouldn’t ever be. I wasn’t taken aback by her next words, but they were certainly not what I expected to ever come from her mouth.

“Where would we have gone?”, it takes a second for her eyes to meet mine. She wants all of this to end, just as much as me. I could see it in her eyes and they were looking for the answer to her question of a possible paradise. And we start to have the conversation we should have had months ago. My heart tugged, as I would always have a part in me that cared, even loved for the blonde sitting next to me. Maybe even more than I cared for Anne, or just differently than how I loved Anne. 

To say that I felt the urge to hold her hand, to even possibly embrace her was an understatement. There would be no way of us ever being together again, even remotely similar to before all of this war in Nassau if this all didn’t end. I walked back to my room, the conversation had ended and Eleanor was needed. I sat on the edge of my bed, feeling like I could stand no longer. The conversation I had once yearned to have for closure, brought nothing but exhaustion and old feelings. Eleanor Guthrie had a way of doing that. Taking everything, and reminding you of it. Not on purpose, but aware of doing it. 

I don’t remember falling asleep, as I felt a soft hand caress my cheek to wake me. My vision was blurry, but I could make out Eleanor’s face before my eyes adjusted to the light of the lantern she held.

“Eleanor, what are you doing?”, I looked out of the window. It was still dark.

“Sshh, just get dressed”, her face was damp with sweat, loose curls clung to the side of her face. I sat up slowly, Mrs. Hudson stood by the entrance of the door, along with two of Woodes Rogers men.

“Where are we going?”, I ask as panic hits me.

“I will explain while we are on the move, there is a carriage waiting for us, to take us to a boat on the other side of the island within the hour.”, she hands me a bag, implying that I need to pack. I take it, hesitating at first as I look between Eleanor and Mrs. Hudson. I put as many important things as I can into the bag, as small as it was. Mrs. Hudson looks at me, meeting my concerned eyes.

“I think this is a conversation best held for you and her”, the her was directed towards Eleanor, as both of our gazes fell upon her as we all followed as swiftly as possible to the carriage.

“And the guards? How can we be sure they will not turn on us last minute?”, I look at them recognizing their faces.

“Do not worry, they’ve been paid handsomely to hold up their ends of the story I will tell”, she gives me a small smile. It does no good in making me feel any better about what is going on. The guards had been walking a few paces in front of Eleanor, and Eleanor a few paces in front of us. They stopped and looked back, one guard giving the gesture to stop. We crouched behind a couple of crates, in the dim streetlamps. 

There were a group of guards just outside of the gate leading out of the fort. I could hear the murmur of their conversation. 

“Just act calmly, tell them that there is a secret plan going on that Woodes needs to carry out and is ensuring our safety before the plan takes place. If they ask why they weren’t told, tell them that the less people know the better. That there is a traitor in our midst and to be careful who they tell information to”, Eleanor seems to tower over them as she tells the guards this. They nod and head over to the other guards by the carriage. 

“Alright, you can come out from the shadows now”, Eleanor tells us. She motions us over, walking in the direction of the carriage urgently. The plan seemed to be going smoothly as the other unaware guards appear to have believed the story and greet all of us with respect. One opens the door to the carriage, helping each of us get inside. “We’ll keep this under wraps Mrs. Rodgers”, one of the guards not in on the deal says. Eleanor thanks him before we begin our travels. 

I notice that how calm Ms. Hudson is, calm enough to be knitting. I keep looking at Eleanor, who seems to be lost in thought peeking out of the carriage. I was ready to really know what was going to happen. Eleanor and I had an understanding, it wasn’t trust, but it wasn’t a distrust either. I was on edge as minutes rolled by, of any and every possible outcome. She had this plan, but wasn’t being very detailed as to why this was all happening. 

She must have felt me growing anxious as she leans her head in my direction, but doesn’t make eye contact with me. 

“I’m sure ever since you’ve woken up that you have a lot of questions. So ask them”, I clench my jaw slightly. Of course she was going to make me ask instead of saying out right. Looking at Ms. Hudson, whose expression hasn’t changed, back to Eleanor who is staring at me now. Her eyes look tired.  
“What is waiting on the other side of the island?”, I made this the first question. It was the easiest to ask. A ghost of a smile creeps at the corner of Eleanor’s mouth. She sighs before answering me. “There is a boat, big enough for me and you, and our luggage”. 

“And where is this boat going to take us?”, she knew where my line of questioning was headed, no longer meeting my eyes as strongly. 

“To a house on a island, just north of Nassau that only 2 people other than myself know about. And those two people are dead”, she wrings her hands slowly. 

“Why are we going there?”, she is looking out of the window again. There’s a moment of silence. A bead of sweat drips down the back of my neck, adding to the discomfort I was beginning to experience. I needed to hear the words from her mouth. 

“Because...because this war has become-”, I shake my head at her.

“Eleanor, this war has been waged since before you were in charge of this island, and it will be after we have left this earth. So tell me, why are we going there?”, she meets my eyes again. I knew Eleanor better than she knew herself at times. 

“We are going because I wouldn’t be able to handle something happening to you”, as soon as the words leave her mouth I scoff. Ms. Hudson seems to be trying to maintain her composure as though she were not even there, crossing her legs. 

I take a moment to think of the weight of her words. She cared about me. Still cared about me. More than she had led on since the last time we had a moment of true peace together. But the upsetting part was the excuse of the war. 

“Do you feel guilty that you created a monster in your husband?”, the venom in my voice hits her as she flinches as if I’ve physically touched her. 

“I feel guilty that I’ve let this go on for so long, that if it goes on for any longer, that it would cause you more harm than it already has”, she looks at me now, a hardness in her eyes. But there’s a sadness behind them as well. She was talking about Vane’s men that day on the sand. What seemed like ages ago, I had no idea she was still thinking about. 

“And I feel guilty for allowing my husband make choices for me that I could have stopped. That I should have listened to you and to several others”, she wipes beads of sweat from her brow. 

“I know…. I know that I haven’t been the easiest to deal with. That we’ve betrayed each other. We’ve just barely started to trust each other with all of these political matters on this island again.”, she hesitates now, looking up at Ms. Hudson, before looking back at me. 

“And what of Woodes?”, she tucks a stray hair behind her ear. Her gaze shifts down to the floor and then back up at me. 

“By the time he finds out that we’ve left, we will be miles away and virtually untraceable”, she sees my brow furrow and holds up a hand. 

“My affection towards him as been nothing more than a power move. Giving him the illusion of power he thinks he has, when it’s been me, you, hell even Flint. Running this island. And now look what he’s done to it. So I have a plan. But I need your patience. I need your faith, and I…”, her tone becomes softer, almost forgetting that Ms. Hudson is still with us.

“I need your trust”, before she can say any more, the carriage comes to a halt. Eleanor composes herself, wiping her hands onto her dress slowly before being assisted out of the carriage. 

Things moved at a fast pace after this. It was the middle of the night, but we still moved quickly just in case anyone of importance had followed us. 

With all of our things loaded on a sizable boat for the both of us, Ms. Hudson hugs me tight before taking something from Eleanor. They share a silent conversation before Ms. Hudson gets back in the carriage. 

I look across the waters as I sit in the boat, waiting for Eleanor to get in. She gives one of the guards a bag of what I assumed to be coins, probably big enough to split amongst those involved in Eleanor’s plan. 

The quiet between us was calm after Eleanor insisted on rowing the boat herself. I could tell by the redness of her cheeks and her neck that she was growing tired. Every time I tried to tell her to let me row, she’d stay silent, rowing even harder. 

Eleanor had always been stubborn. And admittedly, it was one… or used to be one of my favorite things about her. When things were simple. When the only things I had to worry about were what to wear at the brothel everytime I awaited her arrival. What we would talk about as we laid, legs intertwined. But then her stubbornness and selfishness had a hand in all of what was going on in Nassau. 

For a while, I was mad at her. Nassau was my home. As wild, dangerous, and tough it was to be there, it was the one place I called home. I understood why she was doing what she was doing after realizing that she wanted better for Nassau. And so did several others. Especially Flint. They were all going about it in different ways. So this war raged on. 

But I still needed to know what Eleanor’s plan was. She needed my trust. But that trust was small, and had only been built on our newfound businesses with Woodes Rodgers. I needed security. I needed to know she wasn’t going to to betray me. That she could be trusted with my trust. With my life. 

I must have gotten lost in my thoughts as my body jerks from the boat hitting the sand. Just a few paces away are two horses. I help Eleanor pull the boat higher onto the sand before we walk up to the horses. 

“So I figured that we use one horse for our bags and the other to guide and ride to the cabin we’ll be staying at-”, she stops talking as she realizes my eyebrow has gone up. 

“When we get to where ever we are going, Eleanor, I expect answers. For you to tell me everything”, she hoists up the last bag onto the horse. With a nod, she moves to get ontop of the horse we will be riding. 

Her hand shoots out to help me get on the back. I guess I would have to be patient to get answers from her.

**Author's Note:**

> At first I was creating a one shot, but I figured this deserved at least 2 or three chapters. I wasn't completely content with the outcome of the series, specifically Eleanor's death and how things were left with her relationship with Max being essentially brushed away quickly.


End file.
